| The
death of a cherished pet creates a sense
of loss for adults and produces a
predictable chain of emotions. The
stages of grief are typically denial,
sadness, depression, guilt, anger, and
finally, relief (or recovery). However,
the effects on children vary widely
depending upon the child's age and
maturity level.
The basis for their
reaction is their ability to understand
death.
Two and Three Year Olds
Children who are
two or three years old typically have no
understanding of death. They often
consider it a form of sleep. They should
be told that their pet has died and will
not return. Common reactions to this
include temporary loss of speech and
generalized distress. The two or three
year old should be reassured that the
pet's failure to return is unrelated to
anything the child may have said or
done. Typically, a child in this age
range will readily accept another pet in
place of the dead one.
Four, Five, and
Six Year Olds
Children in this
age range have some understanding of
death but in a way that relates to a
continued existence. The pet may be
considered to be living underground
while continuing to eat, breathe, and
play. Alternatively, it may be
considered asleep. A return to life may
be expected if the child views death as
temporary.
These children
often feel that any anger they had for
the pet may be responsible for its
death. This view should be refuted
because they may also translate this
belief to the death of family members in
the past. Some children also see death
as contagious and begin to fear that
their own death (or that of others) is
imminent. They should be reassured that
their death is not likely.
Manifestations of
grief often take the form of
disturbances in bladder and bowel
control, eating, and sleeping. This is
best managed by parent-child discussions
that allow the child to express feelings
and concerns. Several brief discussions
are generally more productive than one
or two prolonged sessions.
Seven, Eight, and
Nine Year Olds
The
irreversibility of death becomes real to
these children. They usually do not
personalize death, thinking it cannot
happen to themselves. However, some
children may develop concerns about
death of their parents. They may become
very curious about death and its
implications. Parents should be ready to
respond frankly and honestly to
questions that may arise.
Several
manifestations of grief may occur in
these children, including the
development of school problems, learning
problems, antisocial behavior,
hypochondric concerns, or aggression.
Additionally, withdrawal, over
attentiveness, or clinging behavior may
be seen. Based on grief reactions to
loss of parents or siblings, it is
likely that the symptoms may not occur
immediately but several weeks or months
later.
Ten and Eleven
Year Olds
Children in this
age range generally understand death as
natural, inevitable, and universal.
Consequently, these children often react
to death in a manner very similar to
adults.
Adolescents
Although this age
group also reacts similarly to adults,
many adolescents may exhibit various
forms of denial. This usually takes the
form of a lack of emotional display.
Consequently, these young people may be
experiencing sincere grief without any
outward manifestations. |
